Why video game movies suck. Stop insulting the fanboys.

We fanboys loved 300 because it told a story. 300 was penned by a talented individual--Frank Miller, who supervised the production every step of the way.

Video game movies suck because they place hype and spectacle over story. They consistentluy insult everyone, ranging from Aristotle to all us fanboys out here, who are waiting for the day that both video game creators and producers get it--we're hungry for lasting, immortal art.

While J.R.R. Tolkien labored in quiet independence for years in penning The Lord of The Rings, Cliffyb drives up in his shiny new fanboy Lambrogini, high-fives ambulance-chaser-producer Wyck Godfrey, and they put out a call for Hollywood hacks and a team of writers who have never created, and will never create, art.

Instead of Epic Story, Cliffyb thinks it all comes down to "charisma." Sure--Gandalf had Charisma. William Wallace had Charisma. King Leonidas had Charisma. And all those blockbuster movies had STORY. Cliffb says,

http://blog.wired.com/games/2007/10/cliffyb-wants-c.html
The Rock is the rare exception of a wrestler who is that charismatic that he can carry a movie. If they cast four mongoloid wrestlers in Gears and they're just as exciting to watch as paint dry on the screen, nobody's going to go see it. They can make actors buff by working out for a few months before filming. You don't have any sense of scale when you watch a movie. They can make a badass with camera angles. What matters is charisma because you can't fake that.

Nowhere does Cliffyb mention Story, so what we're going to have is a bunch of Charismatic actors hyped by Microsoft press releases in a meaningless, shallow movie. And by the way, Pirates of the Caribbean wasn't art either.

Then Cliffyb calls the Microsoft PR department so as to craft hype, lies, and deceit regarding the story in Gears of War, as the fanboys can be counted on to believe anything, just as long as a chainsaw is included. Gone are love and romance, gone are plot, character, and story, and Cliffyb and Wyck revel in giving Aristotle and his Poetics the finger, as they place spectacle first and story last.

But the Greeks also taught us about hubris, and thus there will be no Gears of War movie:

http://www.actiontrip.com/rei/comments_news.phtml?id=100507_6

http://biz.gamedaily.com/industry/feature/?id=17680

"Master Chief couldn't penetrate Hollywood to make a Halo movie, and now rumblings suggest that budget concerns could halt Marcus Feenix's silver screen debut as well. Hollywood seems to hesitate when it comes to video game properties."

Hell yeah they do--with no story, art, and thus films, are impossible.

And even if there were A Gears of War Movie, it would suck.
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/celebrity/wyck_godfrey/

What is his tomato meter average? Rotten.

Incapable of art, Wyck is the worst kind of Hollywood Producer--the ambulance chaser. After the success of Mel Gibson's Passion, Wyck greenlighted The Nativity Story, which flopped.

Then Wyck gets an email--"video games are a hot business."

So he's off after the next ambulance.

And New Line puts together a team of snarky pseudo-fanboys to further kill teh culture and demolish art, and Mark Rein flaps his mouth about how cool the movie that will never be is going to be.

And Cliffyb lines up interview after interview after interview, namedropping 300 and Lord of The Rings, never saulting the fact that first and foremost these were stories--before they were movies, before they were video games, they were stories.

And Cliffyb hops in his Ferrari, saying--all those critics--they're just jealous.